I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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