you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
