Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
pray to the hookup gods
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
