I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
