I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She bit a glass in half.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
