so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
