The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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