This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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