yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
FUCK WHALES
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
