____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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