afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
