You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
