i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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