If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
