Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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