Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
