I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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