Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She said her name was "party"
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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