im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
