I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
we should paint friendship bongs
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