is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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