I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
