You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
