just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
