why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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