a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
