How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
