dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
