I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
