So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
