Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
