she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
