Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
