First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
