you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
