wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
