i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm getting married
To pizza
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
