I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
