when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
