I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
