Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
