there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
