I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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