Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
