Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
