I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
