Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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