even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
