Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
