it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
