I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
