My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
