As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
