so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
