Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
