Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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