break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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